According to Pharma Plus Store, half of the men diagnosed with diabetes will experience erectile dysfunction as a side effect, but some that are diagnosed with diabetes may not know this due either to misinformation or from being bombarded with too much information all at once. This link between the two can have profound impact, especially if the person is in a relationship. Luckily, there are options.

The article states that some men are just embarrassed to raise questions about this topic. Keep in mind that it is important to speak up, especially if it is something that is having profound impact on your daily life. And I’m sure your doctor has heard all the questions in the book. Read the article to find out one mans first-hand experience with this.

In an article from USA Today over two dozen colleges have put the opposite sex as a preference for incoming students filling out their student housing application, and more are adding themselves to the list. According to some students it’s not about sex, but parents don’t see how sexual tension wouldn’t arise from this living situation. College housing rules have changed over the decades, which may account for this difference in opinion. Step further is an option practiced by some colleges, one being nearby UC Riverside, are couples living together. What do you think?

According to UK’s relationship counselors more and more married men are saying, “I can have sex, but I don’t want to. It’s not rewarding.” Surprisingly, it’s not that these men don’t want to have sex with their wives, but that they just don’t want to have sex altogether. Also surprising is that some of these men aren’t upset about this lack of libido. In the Guardian News researchers say that the reasons could range from high stress to being taught not to communicate emotion. What is your take on this?

The Daily Journal of Kankakee has a quote today by me talking about vacations and how important they are for couples.

My husband of 22 years and I have managed to take some kind of vacation–some longer and some shorter than others–without our daughter. Having something all our own to look forward to helps us through the daily doldrums parents sometimes face. Also, when we go away alone we create some wonderful memories that become part of the history of our relationship. A vacation enriches us as a couple; when our daughter goes off to college soon, we’re not really too worried about the coming empty nest.

Of course, what the article doesn’t discuss is “vacation sex.” Some people put a lot of emphasis on having fantastic sex while they are on vacation.

It’s almost as if they cannot have great sex any other time. But who says? What are the elements of “vacation sex” that you could put into your life more frequently? Relaxation, novelty, taking your time, dressing up, having a romantic dinner or walk–maybe you could find some ways to incorporate these things into your life on a weekly or daily basis.

Not to say that vacation sex shouldn’t or can’t be wonderful. Go for it! Enjoy! Get away from the kids, the pets, the bills, the Internet, the in-laws, the yard work and go have some unabashed pleasure.

I just read online that our representatives in Washington D.C. are debating whether or not to renew grants for abstinence-only education. The fact is, no matter what you believe in terms of premarital sex, teens do become sexually active. The proof, unfortunately, is in rising STD rates among teenagers. One study reports that 25% of black teenage girls have an STD. Is this any way to spend a billion dollars in taxpayer money, on programs that are proven not to work?

I have a teenage daughter who is nowhere near ready for the responsibility and emotions of a sexual relationship, but she has all the information she needs to make decisions. That’s what’s important. Teens must be given two messages, even if they seem contradictory: 1) safe sex requires maturity and decision making and 2) the only safe sex takes place within marriage where both people are faithful. Everything in between requires knowing yourself, your partner, the issues at hand, and what is ultimately going to be the right path for you. If that is abstinence until marriage, so be it. If you choose to become sexually active, understand that there are risks.

Wouldn’t it be funny if a sex therapist was the last to know that OC is the capital of swinging? At least, that’s what a KDOC TV reporter told me. When asked about it on live TV, I said, “Well, I’m not surprised. We’re a very recreational county!”

What is more surprising is that when a private swingers club was recently closed due to “code violations,” only 25% of comments on an OC Register blog thought that all such clubs should be closed and swinging should be outlawed. The other 75% either thought it was no big deal.

So maybe it’s true that when it comes to the bedroom, people really want the government to stay out. My colleague Marty Klein recently joked that conservatives want to shrink government until it can slide under the door of your bedroom. But most people want to be left alone. Even if they don’t support an alternate lifestyle, they want to be free to express themselves sexually.

One thing I have learned as a psychologist is that the effects of trauma can be stirred up at any time. It’s as if one’s very cells carry the memory of the trauma, even if the survivor is unaware of it. All it takes is a certain scent, a particular touch, and a woman (or man) can become suddenly upset. This can be confusing to both the survivor and her partner.

Working on how to handle triggers can take a little time, but it is worth learning how. When a trigger event occurs, the survivor should try to recognize what happened so that she can communicate to her partner what needs to be avoided in the future. The survivor can also remind herself that she is now safe in the present moment, and that the past can no longer hurt her. She can soothe herself or ask for her partner to soothe her.

Learning to manage triggers is important because it helps the survivor feel in control. It is a way of processing memories in a healthy way. It can also be an opportunity for the partner to give support, and that can build trust in a relationship.

All’s quiet on the Buehler blog lately because I have been writing an article on childhood sexual abuse and its effects on female sexual function for a professional journal. I read a several dozen articles on the topic before finding the ones that were most helpful, and used them to learn more so that I could pass it along to readers.

While I knew that some women who survive childhood sexual abuse (CSA) became hypersexual, I only partially understood why. That is, it can be a way for a woman to try to feel a sense of control and even mastery about her own sexuality. But more recent research points to certain elevated hormone levels that might lead to early puberty, which in turn can lead to increased sexual behavior.

I also knew that some women survivors do not seem to have much desire or to like sex all that much. It makes sense that they would avoid anything that would trigger painful memories and emotions. However, current research suggests that some women may have experienced a decrease in the hormone cortisol, which would affect sexual interest.

Whether you believe these preliminary biological findings or not, it is noteworthy that no one seems to know what kind of abuse leads to what kind of sexual problems. While this may not seem critical, it could be important in terms of early interventions with female children, or in explaining abuse to an adult female survivor.

I am going to spend this week blogging about this topic, and later in the year I will revisit it with a focus on male survivors.

That’s the point I heard someone make today in my office. She made the observation that more people are harmed by not knowing much about their sexuality and sexual health, and about relationships, than are people who don’t know much about history. Not that learning history was unimportant. Obviously, a good education is important for getting a better paying job.

But think about it. Because of lack of sex education, the Center for Disease Control last month told us that 25% of teenage girls have a sexually transmitted disease. We have the highest teen pregnancy rate in the Western world–and not because our teens are the most sexually active. We have 20,000 people under the age of 25 contracting HIV every year.

And that’s just the direct fallout. What about psychological fallout? Because we don’t teach healthy ideas about sexuality, our young people get their information from watching television and films. They learn to sexualize their relationships, making them all about how “hot” a partner is, and not how loyal, communicative, or open. They also learn that intercourse is the “gold standard,” that only wives lose interest in sex, and that old people (you know, like 40) stop making love because that’s “gross.”

What about you? Have you educated yourself about healthy sexuality? My blog and newsletter are one place to start. So are websites like www.sexualhealth.com and WebMD’s Health & Sex Center. Understanding good sex is more than looking up positions (”sex positions” is one of the most popular web searches). Take charge of your sexual health and avoid heartache.

I found this article today on MSNBC, from Glamour magazine, I think. It’s about how different Hollywood movie sex is from real life sex. The author and the people she polled did a fantastic job figuring out fake from real.

There are other myths, too. One is that older men always get a hard erection when they are with a beautiful younger woman. That leads men to think that the way to solve their ED problem is to leave older wife (Spitzer leaving Silda?) for newer model. But that isn’t the problem. The problem is that as men age, guess what? They have erections that are less firm. They take longer to get hard. They need more stimulation. When was the last time you saw a movie with an older actor who said, “Hon, could you help me out a little here? I’m kind of losing my erection.” About as often as you see an actress pull away from intercourse and say, “Aren’t you going to twiddle me a little down there before you hop on?”

Anyway, read the article, giggle, and be informed.