- 14
- Aug
I think one of the biggest problems that I see in my office is untreated anxiety. I guess when people think of someone that is anxious, they think of young Woody Allen, Mr. Chicken, or Edith Bunker. (Hey, I did turn 52 yesterday, so yes, I am dating myself…and?)
But anxious people often do a very good job of looking outwardly placid and calm. I know, because I used to be incredibly anxious but people often told me how calm I always appeared. If they had only known! Anyway, in my office sometimes even I am fooled by someone’s laid back manner, surprised to find out that underneath lives a total worrier.
I guess here I could make a quip on how to go from “worrier to warrier,” but that’s not really the point. The point is that anxiety, especially performance anxiety, throws cold water onto more sexual encounters than just about anything.
There are so many ways to learn how to cope with anxiety. Notice I said “cope.” You don’t want to make anxiety disappear, because sometimes anxiety is good–it gives you a jolt of adrenaline to get through a presentation, for example (or run from a T. rex, depending on your circumstances). But too much anxiety doesn’t help you at all.
People are sometimes surprised when they come in for lack of desire, ED, PE, or other sexual problems to find out that they have anxiety. Sometimes anxiety presents as negative thinking, abundant self-criticism, and fears about performance or rejection, not racing heart or shortness of breath.
Cognitive behavioral therapy and relaxation techniques can be very helpful. Once learned, these techniques will always be with you. Sometimes medication is helpful at the beginning of treatment, and later find that they can, with their physician’s help, wean themselves off. Learning these techniques can take a bit of time and effort, but are well worth doing.
