by Michael Smith, MFT
Associate Therapist, The Buehler Institute
When people use porn compulsively, as an addictions specialist I often see traits that are similar to other types of addiction. The most common of these are:
a) Building of tolerance – the user needs to spend more and more time viewing porn (or participating in other behavior) to get the same stimulation or excitement. Similarly, the person may need to view more extreme visuals or need an ever-expanding constant supply of new material to “get off.”
b) Feelings of withdrawal: the anxiety that comes with trying to abstain from porn use. Often clients complain of nervousness and discomfort when they attempt to keep their promise to themselves to spend less time online with sexual content. The necessity for daily computer usage for many of us makes it especially difficult to go “cold turkey” when trying to make behavioral changes.
c) Impairment: How has your porn use affected your life? In addition to the above examples of feeling ashamed and lowered self-esteem, addictive porn use can also cause serious sexual and relationship problems, financial trouble (both in spending on porn and in lost time/wages/jobs) and health issues due to lost sleep and the stress and anxiety of living with, or of being in denial of, your addictive behavior.
When you put these symptoms together, it can sure look a lot like addiction to drugs/alcohol, gambling, eating and others. The good news is that these behaviors, these feelings, can be changed. When clients tell me that they can’t stop, that they’ve tried hundreds of times, I assure them that they can stop, they just haven’t been taught how. This is the first ingredient for change – the belief and knowledge that we can change – and I’ve seen hundreds of people do this, often to their own amazement. Once we work on getting rid of the shame, understanding that there are parts of your brain working against you to cause this unwanted behavior, and that changes, sometimes simple ones, can be made in our daily lives to keep us from repeating the patterns we’ve developed, then we can get on with living the life that we’ve imagined for ourselves.

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