Today I met with one of my favorite colleagues, Dr. Michael Krychman.  Dr. Krychman is a Hoag Hospital physician who specializes in sexual medicine and cancer survivorship, and he is internationally known for his expertise.

As we spoke about the usefulness of sex therapy as an adjunct to medical treatment, Dr. Krychman mentioned how difficult it was for women that have sexual pain problems like vaginismus and that have been sexually abused to come to therapy.

I understand.  Most every woman who comes into my office who has been sexually abused–whether they’ve been diagnosed with a sexual pain problem or not–is not exactly thrilled to be there.  After all, talking about sexual abuse is very difficult.  It brings up feelings of shame, guilt, helplessness, and even disgust.

When women do come in, it is often because they cannot have sex with their partner, either because of sexual pain or because they are being “triggered” and cannot tolerate the physical sensations of lovemaking.

Here is what I know:  If I don’t go slowly, don’t go at the woman’s pace, I’ll lose her as a client.  And that’s the last thing I want to do.  And I have also learned that I need to stay focused on the solution.  So we talk about the abuse when necessary, and try to “go there” only when it will be fruitful in getting a woman towards the goal of having a healthy sex life.

Most of the time–with 8 or 9 out of 10 women, I would say–things go well.  Women start to reclaim their sexuality for themselves and to see that they can enjoy sex.

And, if they have vaginismus or another sexual pain problem, they are thrilled to see how well the psychological services complement the medical services that they receive.

If you are a woman who has been sexually abused and want to reclaim your sexual health, either for yourself or to have a better sexual connection with your partner, please don’t hesitate to call.

And do sign up for the RSS feed for this blog, there is LOTS of information on this blog alone that would be helpful for you to read.  And sign up for the free book, too–even if you are not ready to be sexual, reading about sexually healthy thoughts and behaviors can be very helpful to you.

Kind regards,

Dr. Stephanie Buehler, Director

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