A recent blog post by Dr. Ned Hallowell prompted me to write about a surprisingly common problem I see in my office–couples having sexual problems because one (or sometimes both) couple member have ADHD.  The problem?  Becoming distracted during lovemaking.  Dr. Hallowell, who wrote Driven to Distraction, recommends taking 5 or 10 mg of Ritalin, which is a stimulant, an hour prior to having sex.

People are very resistant to taking medication, however.  Having a diagnosis of ADHD or ADD (hyperactive and nonhyperactive types, respectively) can be stigmatizing enough, but then coming to the realization that lack of attention and focus are following you even into the bedroom can make a person feel angry and ashamed.

Some people come into my office with a longstanding diagnosis of ADHD, some I diagnose myself.  The complaints are similar.  Both men and women with ADHD can lose focus during sex and have difficulty having orgasm.  Their partners experience their drifting away as lack of interest and become upset.  Their upset can lead to arguments.  Then the person with ADHD starts to avoid sex, and around and around it goes.

Talking with a sex therapist and a physician can be very helpful for a couple dealing with these struggles.  Also, Dr. Daniel Amen wrote an interesting book called Sex and the Brain, and there is another book called ADHD and Romance that some couples have used for guidance.  What isn’t a good idea is hoping that the problem will fix itself or go away.  Problems in relationships for people with ADD or ADHD are real, but sometimes, without help, solutions can be elusive.

Dr. Stephanie Buehler

Director, The Buehler Institute

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