Just read an article by Dr. Batya Ludman in the Jerusalem Post, “Psychologically Speaking:  Sexless Marriage.“  What Dr. Ludman observes in Israel is not much different than what sex therapists in the States have also witnessed:  Many couples, whether by choice or by force, are in a sexless marriage.

Read the article to  understand all the reasons that a marriage loses all its potential juiciness.  In my practice, what I have also seen:

• Difficulty becoming sexual again after the birth of a child
• Difficulty being sexual while trying to conceive, with lingering effects
• Allowing childrearing to interfere with the couple’s relationship
• Husbands and wives not getting enough support when children have difficulties so that they can continue to function as a couple
• Giving up sex when it doesn’t go well because that’s easier than the embarrassment of talking about it
• Becoming ill or experiencing the effects of aging and determining that it is a signal to stop having sex
• Entering menopause (or for men, andropause) and not addressing issues of low drive

Couples needn’t continue on this path, even if it has been years since they have had sex.  But it does take a commitment of time and energy.  A sex therapist can help a couple discover the reasons they have not had sex, help them eliminate blame, and find ways to ease into creating a sex life anew.  In that case, a financial commitment is also required, but sex therapy is far less costly, emotionally and financially, than living in a barren marriage, or ending the marriage, whether through divorce or simply withdrawing emotionally.

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