Over the past week, a number of articles on sexual abuse were drawn to my attention by various sexologists.  The first was about a TV special called “Hot for Teacher,” which features Mary Lou Letourneau, a married teacher who slept with her teenage student (whom she met when he was in second grade), for which she was imprisoned.  After she was released, and having been divorced by her first husband, she married the boy and had children with him.  The TV special suggests that since she married him, all must be fine, that there is nothing unique about her relationship with someone so young.

Next, my colleague and fellow sex therapist Stephen Braveman, MFT, was featured in an article in Rolling Stone on a teenage boy who was molested by his teacher.  Outwardly, the relationship may have appeared to be consensual and even condoned.  Deeper investigation, however, shows that the boy became extremely distressed over the relationship.  It affected his grades, his relationships with peers, and his mental health.

Finally, as I was casually researching topics today for both of my blogs, I happened across two more articles, one in the Star News and one on a NYC news website about female teachers molesting students.  Both the Rolling Stone article and this one have a similar theme, that there is a prevalent myth that boys are unaffected by sex with a woman in a position of authority.  In fact, it is because of this myth that many boys may not come forward if they have been bothered by a similar sexual experience.

Another myth is that boys cannot be coerced into sex.  But erection is an automatic response to stimulation; it doesn’t necessarily take consent for intercourse to take place between a female and male.  Many men have reported to me incidents of forced intercourse or fondling with older women.  Some, though not all, felt quite traumatized by the experience.

The most important key to becoming a survivor is perhaps to realize that the shame of unwanted sex should all be directed toward the perpetrator and not the victim.  Shedding feelings of shame and guilt can be a big step toward healing from sexual abuse, whether it was perpetrated by an authority figure or a woman who exploited someone’s youth and naivete.

An important tool for any man to have in his self-help tool box for recovering from sexual abuse is Michael Lew’s book, Victims No Longer.  The book details the stories of many men who have recovered from sexual abuse.  It also tells men how they can overcome the effects, including difficulty with intimacy, sexual aversion or sexual promiscuity, and numbing their feelings.

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