“Of course, there can be many other issues such as fears about sex, past sexual trauma, disliking a partner’s technique, chronic illness or cancer, or sexual or other types of pain. All of these issues have a solution.”

Actually, as the comments to the NYT blog show so painfully, all these issues do not have a solution. Fears? Yes. Past trauma? Yes. Technique? surely. Pain? I can see it. But chronic and progressive illness, the kind that will endure for decades while robbing one’s partner of health, vitality, the ability to move, the energy to pleasure, the mucus necessary (and no, KY jelly, Astroglide, and their brethren don’t do the trick, believe me, we’ve tried) for sexual penetration….

You get the idea. I’ve read the articles. We’ve met with two AASECT-certified sex therapists at various times. Did the homework. Result? The illness and the so-called sex keep getting worse. I hate to say it, but it’s hopeless.

What illnesses are we talking about here? Lupus, rheumatoid arthritis, many of the other auto-immune disorders, multiple sclerosis, Parkinson’s et. al. I’d love to know your solution that would lead to a satisfying, intimate life together for the next thirty or forty years that my partner will suffer with one of these illnesses and in fact get worse.

I’d love your thoughts.

I believe that there is so much people can do to improve their sexless marriage. It starts with love, first and foremost. Don’t let too much time go by.

Renew the passion you had when you were dating it’s possible even with kids.