My last post was on a potential new medication that would help women with low desire feel a bit more like having sex.  And when I say “a bit,” I mean a bit; the data suggests a mean of about one more incidence of sexual activity a month, either masturbation or intercourse.

If you want to feel like having sex one more time a month, what else might you do besides taking an antidepressant?  Here are 10 ideas:

1. Get more sleep.  If you are always too tired for sex, then you need more rest.  Go to bed earlier instead of doing one more load of laundry or watching one more episode of CSI.
2. Eat a healthier diet.  Junk food affects mood and energy levels.  Eat a Mediterranean diet that includes fruits, vegetables, whole grains, and lean meat.
3. Get exercise.  Exercise gives you more energy to do the things you need and want to do, and improves mood.
4. Communicate with your partner.  Let your partner know that you are struggling and try to come up with some solutions together.
5. Just say yes.  If you want to have sex one more time a month, the next time your partner initiates check in with yourself.  No headache, stomachache, or backache?  Then just say yes.  You might find yourself in the mood before you know it.
6. Create a mood.  Buy some fresh flowers to put beside the bed.  Add candles and music.  Take a relaxing shower or bath.
7. Talk to your doctor.  Problems like low thyroid can also interfere with libido.  Take care of your health.
8. Work on your relationship.  A lot of women with low drive have relationship issues that they aren’t willing to look at.  Take some time to reflect and think about what you might do to make your relationship work better.  Ask your partner to do the same.
9. Relax, it’s just dust.  If I had a dollar for every woman who says she can’t relax and enjoy sex because the house is dusty!  Unless your house looks like it was ravaged by the Dust Bowl, put down that rag, put up your feet, and let your partner make love to you instead.
10. Have orgasms.  One reason women lose interest in sex is when they don’t have an orgasm; it just seems to become pointless.  Self-pleasure to learn more about what you like, then let your partner in on it.  You may not have an orgasm every time, but you can have fun trying.

A couple more points.  One person made a comment in my last post that not everyone has access to a sex therapist.  True, but most therapists know that they can consult with a sex therapist if they have someone come into their office with a problem.  So don’t let lack of access stop you from talking to a therapist.

Also, she made the point that talk therapy doesn’t work for everyone.  Also true.  But in my practice, it helps about 80-90% of folks that make a commitment to change.  So the odds are pretty good that talk therapy can help.  Talk therapy is a much safer route.  Yes, it costs money.  But again, most therapists have a sliding scale or can refer you to a very low cost or free center where you can get therapy.

She also pointed out that I had said in a past blog on pot and sex that people shouldn’t use mind-altering drugs, so I was reversing myself when I said that a medication could be helpful for extreme cases.  Not true.  There is a big difference between self-medicating with pot or alcohol or whatever and taking a prescribed medication.

Finally, a wise woman on one of the listserves I belong to pointed out that the “Viagra for women” is a dopamine agonist.  Dopamine agonists are typically prescribed to people with Parkinson’s disease.  These medications disinhibit a person.  So the action of this drug is to make women feel less inhibited about sex.  But what else might it make a woman feel less inhibited about?  People that take drugs for Parkinson’s sometimes get into trouble with compulsive behaviors such as gambling.  Trying a

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