As important as our sexuality is, I doubt very much whether many people review their sex life over the past year and ponder a vision of what could be possible in the New Year.

The “oh” decade (years 2000 through 2009) brought us a war over abstinence-only sex education, an injection was introduced to help women avoid HPV, and more pills and potions were created to ensure an erection, create desire, or make sex feel better.  We were also witness to multiple sex scandals, from Larry Craig sending Morse code in a public bathroom to Mark Sanford lying about hitting the Appalachian Trail when in actuality he was winging his way to see his soul mate in Argentina.

Also in this decade were a slew of books about low desire, no erection, no orgasm, ejaculating too quickly or not at all, tantric sex, no sex, and the difficult-to-define too much sex aka “sex addiction.”   (More on this latter topic next week.)  It’s difficult to tell if the world is really a better place despite the efforts of so many well-meaning authors.

If I could make some wishes for the year ahead, they might include:

• Couples would talk to one another about their sex life in the same way they talk about what breed of dog to get or what refrigerator to purchase
• Men would stop measuring their self-worth by their erections, and women would do the same.
• Women that don’t enjoy sex would admit it’s because they have never told their partner what to do to make sex enjoyable.
• People would understand that sexual problems that take years to develop can’t be resolved in a single 50 minute session.  Couples wouldn’t wait years to see a therapist, making their problem all the more complex.
• Pharmaceutical companies would state in their ads for antidepressants, anti-anxiety medications, sleep medicines, and sexual aids, “Try psychotherapy first.  You may not need medication at all.  And if you do, your therapist can refer you to a psychiatrist for treatment.”  Ideally, however, such advertising would be banned.
• Sex education would include information about the serious decision-making and responsibility involved in choosing to be sexually active.
• Every pregnancy would be a wanted pregnancy.
• People that are frustrated by monogamy would talk to their partner about it, and they would work on the core problem (sexual boredom, feeling trapped) together before taking the step of having an affair.
• People that don’t care to be monogamous wouldn’t be, saving themselves and their partners a lot of trouble.  It should be okay for public figures to be single and dating if that’s what suits them better; no one should feel pressured to marry just to satisfy social expectations.
• Couples that don’t have time for sex would realize that they actually have to make time for sex.  Sometimes this means a big change, even downsizing financially or socially.  You can’t work 70 hours a week, go out to dinner every night, and get up to workout every morning and expect to have a decent sex life.
• Men would stop measuring their self-worth by their partner’s orgasm, whether by its apparent size or existence.
• Sex therapists would be respected and not seen as a media source for titillating details about real issues.

I don’t know that my wishes are realistic, but I do know that the world really would be a better place if they all came true.

I hope you have some wishes for your own sexuality in 2010.  Happy New Year!

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