When most people think of sex, they naturally think of intercourse.  Remember Bill Clinton saying, “I did not have sex with that woman!”  Ahem, he most certainly did.   But even a “zipless” encounter can be quite passionate and can quite definitely be counted as a sexual act.  Just watch “The Young Victoria” to see that people have sex all the time without having intercourse.

It isn’t just men that feel sex is only about intercourse and resulting orgasm.  Women often say that it’s the only part of sex they enjoy.  Perhaps it’s because it’s the only part of sex that has an official stamp of approval as being sex.  After all, most people are taught that “Sex is for after you get married
because it can result in pregnancy.  Since pregnancy nearly always occurs as the result of intercourse, it only makes sense that sex means such an act has occurred.

Of course, there’s nothing wrong with intercourse.  It’s just that it’s very limited.  It requires that both partners be aroused, that the genitals are in good working condition, that the participants have the strength and stamina to follow through with the act.  That is, I think, part of the reason that people think of “sex” as being for young people.

If sex included every act of pleasure, people–both individuals and couples–would be much better off.  Including self-, oral, and manual stimulation would take the pressure off of having intercourse.  It would decrease unwanted pregnancy and disease.  It would make it easier to imagine having sex as one ages, or sex if one is alone.  And if a woman had discomfort with intercourse or a man struggled with erectile dysfunction as the result of temporary illness or stress, then they could still be affectionate and comforting with one another.

If you are someone that balks at the idea of venturing beyond sex = intercourse, it might be interesting to think about why that is.  Is it due to stereotype?  Inhibitions about other types of sexual activities?  A belief that sex is only for procreation, so if one is going to have sex for recreation, it had better be a reasonable facsimile?  If going outside your sex = intercourse comfort zone is truly distasteful, well, so be it.  But it could be that you realize you are holding back from exploring all types of sex, starting with cuddling and kissing.  And then what would be the harm of exploring your sexual potential?

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