I had an interesting discussion recently with a couple about the value of foreplay for men, since the husband didn’t seem to think it was necessary for him.  Most people think that foreplay is for women, to help them relax and get prepared for intercourse or orgasm.  But foreplay is for men, too.  Foreplay can also help a man relax, which can make orgasm more pleasurable.

But foreplay isn’t just about orgasms.  It is also a way to connect with your partner.  You can take turns giving one another pleasure.  You can choose to be passive and let your partner give to you, or to be active and please your partner.  Or, you can have mutual foreplay, both giving and receiving pleasure at the same time.  It’s more about sharing an intimate, fun experience than about preparation for intercourse.

If foreplay is imaginative, there may be no need for intercourse; orgasms may be experienced in other ways.  Foreplay can also allow you to explore one another’s bodies, to understand what is erotic for each of you.  It is a time to free yourself and be creative, to try out scenarios that turn you on.  You may find out that you enjoy some of the same things, or that you need to make adjustments so that your fantasy is fun for both of you.

Foreplay builds a sense of connection and intimacy.  When someone doesn’t want foreplay, for me as a therapist, I am always curious about whether they are able to be truly intimate with a partner, to let a partner get into what they are really about in the bedroom and to get into their partner’s thoughts and feelings.  Foreplay is one of life’s great free experiences, right there in the privacy of your own home.

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