- 05
- Feb
Are you in a sexless marriage? I’m a sex therapist in Orange County, CA and I assure you, you are not alone! About 25% of all marriages are “sexless,” meaning that the couple has sex fewer than one to two dozen times a year.
Sometimes marriages naturally go through dry spells. A partner might be sick, be pulled by care-giving demands, or absent due to military or other job obligations. But when couples go for a year or longer without connecting in the bedroom, there’s a problem.
What causes a sexless marriage? Many couples stop having sex during the last part of pregnancy and during the first months they have a newborn. They struggle with finding time, but also with feeling sexy when there’s an infant in the house with all the demands of parenting. Other couples struggle with sex from the beginning. One partner may have been raised in a very strict religious home and can’t let enjoy sex, even though they’re married.
There can be serious issues that get in the way of a couple having regular sex. If one member of the couple has been sexually abused or assaulted, then they may avoid sex because it triggers bad memories. Other problems, like depression or substance abuse, can get in the way of sexual pleasure.
What can you do about a sexless marriage? First, it’s important that you and your partner acknowledge there is a problem. Try to talk it out together to figure out what the root cause is. When you do try to restart your sex life, be realistic. Though it may not seem romantic, you may need to schedule times for making love.
Many people are unaware that there is a type of professional called a sex therapist that is available to help couples that have a sexless marriage. A sex therapist is a psychotherapist that specializes in sexual problems. It is talk therapy. If you do decide to see a sex therapist, check with your state’s licensing board online to ensure that they are licensed to help you.
Are you ready for real change?
March 8th, 2010 at 9:04 pm
Before I start I have to say before we were married niether one of us had sex with any one else till we were married. One of those rare things we were virgins. We were physically attractive in our 20’s
I certainly think we qualify as being in a sexless marriage, its been about 20 years now. Were in our 60s. When first married we didn’t have sex (I)wife wasn’t ready, and I really can’t recall when it did happen, Im sure it was weeks or months later, and even then it was on and off for the next 23 years. Were both at fault, I have a big tendency to be in control of everything. It all has to happen on my terms. I don’t let my husband just go out with the guys, he hasn’t any real guy friends so he ends up staying home. I tell him all the time to stay away from other women. For some reason I just don’t trust him, and I really don’t know why. But I can go out with my friends and he dosen’t really care how long or with who. He just tells me have fun and if theres any problems call me. I think I could have an affare and he wouldn’t say anything. He’s very lated back type of guy. And he on the other had has said I just don’t want sex or be intimante with me or any one else. I was hurt!! Also he is not interested anymore, sex has no excitment, meaning, thrill what ever you call it. Now he has high blood pressure, cholesterol, sleep issues, ulcers,slight depression and he takes pills for all that and his sex desire is gone. Hes been to doc and tryed viagra passed out on low dosage, pump but nothing works. Our sex life is gone forever. His last comment was I hope I never have sex again just tired of the whole thing. We are not in our 20’s any more and physically were not the same any more. We wear wool pajamas and sleep in opposite directions in bed.