A story in the BBC News reports that more people in their 70s are having sex–and enjoying it. Studies suggest that women are more orgasmic than they once were as they aged, and men find that their erectile function improves if they have sex at least once a week.

What are your stereotypes about people aging and sex? I remember a 30-something client whose sex life with his wife had diminished commented, “We need to have sex now because we won’t be having it later.” I remember looking at him with shock. Did he really think that people became sexually dead as they aged?

As one therapist quoted in the story suggests, not every elderly person will choose to stay sexual, but the key word is, I think, “choose.” When we buy into stereotypes of aging people losing interest in sex, we also buy into the idea that our sexual expression ends in our 50s, 60s, or 70s.

I would guess that people who enjoyed sex early in life and in midlife would choose to stay sexual, unless serious illness prevented them from doing so. But even someone who is ill can still have sex. We just need to broaden our ideas about what sex is–does it necessarily have to be intercourse? And does one need to have a partner to still be considered a sexual being?

Sex serves many functions, from physical well-being to emotional connectedness, whether with a partner or to one’s self. There’s really no reason for people to worry about becoming old and sexless. You can choose to stay sexual as long as you wish. You may need to talk to your physician for help with hormones or medications, but if you want to imagine yourself enjoying a romp or a long, slow session, go ahead. It’s well within reason.

A highly respected colleague of mine sent me a NY Times story on a physician who started a “pelvic health spa” for women modeled after dental offices that whiten teeth. The idea is to lure women into the office to teach them how to exercise their Kegel muscles, though the physician calls them by their newer name, pelvic floor exercises.

There may be some merit to having a strong pelvic floor, because weakness can cause incontinence, or involuntary leaking of urine. The muscles of the vagina are also connected to the pelvic floor, so exercises can tone the vagina and, for some women, improve sexual sensation and orgasm.

But not every woman needs this type of treatment. It isn’t like teeth whitening–pretty much if you live on the planet you are guaranteed to have teeth stained from tea, coffee, wine, etc., though if you ask me there are a lot of people running around who, when they smile, make me think, “Oh, you’ve had your teeth whitened!” Back to the pelvic floor, though. Young women usually don’t need treatment. And just because a woman is near or in menopause doesn’t mean her pelvic floor muscles are slack.

In any case, the physician has discovered a way to prey on many women’s already low self-esteem. Like the G-spot shot and “revirgination” surgery, here is yet another message that women’s bodies are just not okay “as is.”

If you do have problems with incontinence or you have noticed that you aren’t feeling as much sensation, then by all means you should discuss this with your gynecologist or a urogynecologist–a urologist for women). But don’t just go running out to pay for yet another service you might not need.

What does the adult industry and teacher unions have to do with each other? Well, according to one lobbyist, nothing. In a recent article from the Orange County Register strip clubs and novelty sex stores could face a 25% increase in tax to help school districts affected by strong budget cuts. This tax would fund education and its social services. The president of one teachers association feels that if a person could afford to buy luxuries due to their income, then they should pay tax on it. This bill, prompted by Assemblyman Charles Calderon, states the negatives of adult venues that some say are based on opinions rather than facts.

As a former teacher, I don’t really find this amusing. Most parents and children would not appreciate funding from a strip club tax. Most strip clubs would feel that they were being unfairly penalized. I don’t know that I would call novelty sex toys “luxury items”; the only thing that makes them so is that you can’t just find them in the drugstore—though you can find stuff for just about any other system of the body!

I don’t think picking on an industry is the way to go. Why not tax Mercedes or lobster or tickets to the OC Performing Arts Center? Why discriminate in this way?

Wouldn’t it be funny if a sex therapist was the last to know that OC is the capital of swinging? At least, that’s what a KDOC TV reporter told me. When asked about it on live TV, I said, “Well, I’m not surprised. We’re a very recreational county!”

What is more surprising is that when a private swingers club was recently closed due to “code violations,” only 25% of comments on an OC Register blog thought that all such clubs should be closed and swinging should be outlawed. The other 75% either thought it was no big deal.

So maybe it’s true that when it comes to the bedroom, people really want the government to stay out. My colleague Marty Klein recently joked that conservatives want to shrink government until it can slide under the door of your bedroom. But most people want to be left alone. Even if they don’t support an alternate lifestyle, they want to be free to express themselves sexually.

By now you’ve probably heard or read that NY Governor Eliot Spitzer is being investigated for allegedly meeting with a prostitute, embarrassing himself, his wife, and the rest of his family.

Why does someone in such a visible and responsible position act in this way? Over the next few days you’ll hear plenty of psychologists, psychiatrists, and other mental health professionals give their sage perspectives.

But for all intents and purposes, no one can know why Governor Spitzer acted as he did, except the governor himself. As a matter of fact, it is against my code of ethics to state what the governor’s problem might be.

That’s because the reason that people stray away from their marriages are complex. One person may use extramarital sex to get back at a partner, another to escape obligations, a third to experience a thrill.

What it means to have sex with a paid partner is also complex. A person may ask the prostitute to perform acts that they cannot ask their spouse to perform, or that the spouse refuses to do. Or, the person may pay a prostitute because they actually may feel less ashamed about sex if they pay for it. Or, they may enjoy sex more when they do pay.

Take whatever you read or hear with a big grain of salt. We can speculate all we want, but ultimately only the governor knows the depth and cause of his current dilemma.

The moment I saw this question, I knew I wanted to blog about it. If you choose to come to therapy, you need to make a commitment to work on yourself, on your issues, on your relationships, on your problem, on your growth. The therapist doesn’t do it for you. If you go to therapy expecting the therapist to give you the answers, you’re going to be disappointed. If you go to therapy expecting the therapist to help you find the answers, you’re likely to find the experience fruitful.

You can’t expect to show up week after week without having spent some time reflecting, observing yourself, trying something new, noticing how you are and make progress. In between sessions, you need to work on you, and on your relationship. You cannot work on your partner, only yourself, if you are in couples therapy.

In fact, if this is a hectic time for you, or if you are strapped for funds, make a plan for when you think you can make a commitment to this process. It could take weeks or months, sometimes even as much as a year, to identify, explore, and work through issues related to your sexuality. Or maybe you aren’t sure if therapy is right for you. Be up front, but be fair. Give it at least 4-6 sessions before deciding therapy isn’t for you.

I know some people are going to ask me if I’ve been watching the HBO series “In Treatment.” Of course I have, I’m curious to see how therapists are portrayed this time. A psychologist interested in media portrayals of psychologists put them in three lists: Dr. Dippy, after a shrink shown in an asylum in a silent film from 1923; Dr. Evil, like Michael Caine in “Dressed to Kill”; and Dr. Wonderful, like Robin Williams in “Good Will Hunting.”

So far, “In Treatment” is one of the most true to life portrayals of a psychologist, which, as a New Yorker critic pointed out, is boring. Watching a psychologist listening to a patient isn’t really all that intriguing. I know, because most of my patients are too wrapped up in what is going on for them to notice what is happening on my face, which is probably pretty much a lot of nothing most of the time. After all, we need to remain objective, and if we displayed too much emotion, the client might get thrown off track or defensive. We want to help clients relax, and in relaxing, reveal the little details that they keep shored up behind carefully built walls, most of the time.

Still, I would encourage you to watch so that you get an idea of what therapy is like. It isn’t really fun most of the time. In fact, sometimes it is extremely emotionally wrenching. But slowly, slowly progress is made, hidden reality is unveiled and made into something that can be tolerated now that it has been brought into consciousness.