People make up all kinds of excuses not to have sex. And, contrary to popular belief, men make excuses about as often as do women. Being tired, having a headache, feeling stressed, or bored are common excuses, aren’t they?

Why not try something different? Why not look for excuses to have sex—reasons that it’s a good idea to hop into bed with a partner you love?

Just in case you’ve forgotten, here are the top ten reasons to have sex tonight:

1. Sex feels good. Yes, you’ve had a rotten week. What better reason to do something that feels great? Touch is relaxing, and orgasm is a welcome relief from muscle tension and mental strain.

2. Sex makes your partner feel good. You know what they say, charity begins at home! But don’t just have pity sex. You’re partner’s probably had a rotten week, too. Why not give your partner a gift that you can both enjoy?

3. You’ll feel more desire. If your sexual desire has fizzled out, try having sex. Sex is a rewarding activity and your brain may wake up and start to want more. The more you avoid sex, the less you may want it. Go for it tonight and see what happens.

4. Sex takes the years off. It’s true. Research shows that couples that are sexually active look ten years younger on average than their nonsexual peers.

5. Sex is good for your health. Sex can help pump up the heart rate, so while it is not exactly a cardiovascular workout, it does oxygenate the body. Bringing oxygen to your body’s cells helps them to function properly.

6. Sex is a pain reliever. Many women report that sex helps to relieve menstrual tension. Also, sex has been shown to relieve migraine and arthritis pain in some women. Natural endorphins and opioids, both natural pain relievers in the brain, can help what ails you.

7. Sex helps you feel connected. Most couples report that one of the reasons they have sex is to feel closer. If you want to maintain real intimacy in your relationship, have sex.

8. Sex is fun. Hey, what better form of entertainment is there than lying in bed with someone and touching them all over? Life is tough. Sex is one of life’s pleasures. Enjoy some tonight.

9. Sex helps you sleep. After orgasm, prolactin helps to relax and calm most people. So if you haven’t been sleeping well, try sex. Think how much better you’ll feel in the morning.

10. Sex makes you feel loved. Everyone has the need to be touched, kissed, and nurtured. Sure, a box of cookies might make you feel better. But why not get the real thing from another human being who cares about you?

Now that you know all the good reasons to have sex tonight, show this article to your partner as an invitation to a “benefits event.” You’ll both feel better in the morning!

Is therapy worth the cost? Twenty sessions of therapy will cost $3 to $4K; divorce, $10K, $20K, or more. The difference is that divorce will solve your problem–if what you want is to end your marriage. If not, then therapy is worth trying. Make a commitment to be in weekly therapy for 3-6 months and monitor progress. If no progress is made or your relationship is deteriorating, then you may still choose to end your marriage.

While many people think that marital therapy has a poor outcome, the truth is that most couples wait too long to get help. When a problem, such as low desire, is not taken care of early on, hard feelings, guilt, and resentment build up. On average, couples wait seven years to get help–and seeking therapy may really be a case of “too little, too late.”

If you are trying to decide if therapy will help, there is only one way to find out. It isn’t necessarily by talking to the therapist–of course the therapist wants you to come in, that is how a therapist earns his or her living! No, the way to find out is to try it. Make a decision, set an appointment. Give the new therapy relationship a chance; come 3-4 weeks before you decide whether or not you like the therapist and can work with him or her.

It’s okay to let the therapist know that it is not a good fit, and it’s also okay to ask for referrals. Most likely, you will feel comfortable with most therapists, as we are trained to make people feel at home quickly. How do you know if you do have a good fit? When you leave the office, you may not always feel great, because therapy can be hard work. But therapy should give you hope and light the path of change. Overall, most people feel that the investment in therapy is worthwhile, and is worth trying in the face of the financial and emotional expense of marital separation.

According to UK’s relationship counselors more and more married men are saying, “I can have sex, but I don’t want to. It’s not rewarding.” Surprisingly, it’s not that these men don’t want to have sex with their wives, but that they just don’t want to have sex altogether. Also surprising is that some of these men aren’t upset about this lack of libido. In the Guardian News researchers say that the reasons could range from high stress to being taught not to communicate emotion. What is your take on this?

The Daily Journal of Kankakee has a quote today by me talking about vacations and how important they are for couples.

My husband of 22 years and I have managed to take some kind of vacation–some longer and some shorter than others–without our daughter. Having something all our own to look forward to helps us through the daily doldrums parents sometimes face. Also, when we go away alone we create some wonderful memories that become part of the history of our relationship. A vacation enriches us as a couple; when our daughter goes off to college soon, we’re not really too worried about the coming empty nest.

Of course, what the article doesn’t discuss is “vacation sex.” Some people put a lot of emphasis on having fantastic sex while they are on vacation.

It’s almost as if they cannot have great sex any other time. But who says? What are the elements of “vacation sex” that you could put into your life more frequently? Relaxation, novelty, taking your time, dressing up, having a romantic dinner or walk–maybe you could find some ways to incorporate these things into your life on a weekly or daily basis.

Not to say that vacation sex shouldn’t or can’t be wonderful. Go for it! Enjoy! Get away from the kids, the pets, the bills, the Internet, the in-laws, the yard work and go have some unabashed pleasure.