What does the adult industry and teacher unions have to do with each other? Well, according to one lobbyist, nothing. In a recent article from the Orange County Register strip clubs and novelty sex stores could face a 25% increase in tax to help school districts affected by strong budget cuts. This tax would fund education and its social services. The president of one teachers association feels that if a person could afford to buy luxuries due to their income, then they should pay tax on it. This bill, prompted by Assemblyman Charles Calderon, states the negatives of adult venues that some say are based on opinions rather than facts.

As a former teacher, I don’t really find this amusing. Most parents and children would not appreciate funding from a strip club tax. Most strip clubs would feel that they were being unfairly penalized. I don’t know that I would call novelty sex toys “luxury items”; the only thing that makes them so is that you can’t just find them in the drugstore—though you can find stuff for just about any other system of the body!

I don’t think picking on an industry is the way to go. Why not tax Mercedes or lobster or tickets to the OC Performing Arts Center? Why discriminate in this way?

One thing I have learned as a psychologist is that the effects of trauma can be stirred up at any time. It’s as if one’s very cells carry the memory of the trauma, even if the survivor is unaware of it. All it takes is a certain scent, a particular touch, and a woman (or man) can become suddenly upset. This can be confusing to both the survivor and her partner.

Working on how to handle triggers can take a little time, but it is worth learning how. When a trigger event occurs, the survivor should try to recognize what happened so that she can communicate to her partner what needs to be avoided in the future. The survivor can also remind herself that she is now safe in the present moment, and that the past can no longer hurt her. She can soothe herself or ask for her partner to soothe her.

Learning to manage triggers is important because it helps the survivor feel in control. It is a way of processing memories in a healthy way. It can also be an opportunity for the partner to give support, and that can build trust in a relationship.

All’s quiet on the Buehler blog lately because I have been writing an article on childhood sexual abuse and its effects on female sexual function for a professional journal. I read a several dozen articles on the topic before finding the ones that were most helpful, and used them to learn more so that I could pass it along to readers.

While I knew that some women who survive childhood sexual abuse (CSA) became hypersexual, I only partially understood why. That is, it can be a way for a woman to try to feel a sense of control and even mastery about her own sexuality. But more recent research points to certain elevated hormone levels that might lead to early puberty, which in turn can lead to increased sexual behavior.

I also knew that some women survivors do not seem to have much desire or to like sex all that much. It makes sense that they would avoid anything that would trigger painful memories and emotions. However, current research suggests that some women may have experienced a decrease in the hormone cortisol, which would affect sexual interest.

Whether you believe these preliminary biological findings or not, it is noteworthy that no one seems to know what kind of abuse leads to what kind of sexual problems. While this may not seem critical, it could be important in terms of early interventions with female children, or in explaining abuse to an adult female survivor.

I am going to spend this week blogging about this topic, and later in the year I will revisit it with a focus on male survivors.

I am going to write a brief series describing some of the types of sexual pain that women experience. (Men experience sexual pain also, but less frequently. I’ll address that later.) I want women who visit the blog who have painful sex to have a beginning, a place where they can start to name what might be wrong.

Vaginismus is a spasm of the muscles in the pelvic floor that causes the vaginal walls to tighten to the point that penetration is impossible. Vaginismus can be situational, that is, it might only occur when a woman has a pelvic exam, or only with intercourse. Its causes are varied, ranging from psychological strain, to repeated infections, to no known cause at all. Women who experience vaginismus find it frustrating and embarrassing. Often when they visit a gynecologist, they are told, “It’s nothing, just relax.” And actually, this may be all that some women need to hear. Others, however, have no idea what, exactly, they are supposed to do to relax that muscle down there.

We frequently see women with vaginismus at the Institute. Treatment can take 3-6 months and lots of patience with one’s self. The vagina, it seems, cannot simply be willed to cooperate sometimes. We use a combination of education about sexuality, cognitive therapy to address negative thoughts (”I’ll never have normal sex again!”) and distorted beliefs (”Sex is for men!”), relaxation, Kegel exercises, and the use of dilators, which are essentially rods that are graduated in size from very slender (smaller than a junior tampon) to larger, approximating the size of an average penis. The dilators are inserted and kept in place to help the muscle relax. If after a few weeks the dilators and other interventions are ineffective, we will recommend sessions with a physical therapist that specializes in pelvic floor work. We have started to incorporate hypnosis to help with relaxation and to facilitate relaxation of the pelvic floor. We also work with the woman’s partner, educating him and giving him support. He can also become a participant, inserting dilators into his partner. We work with the couple to help them find alternatives to intercourse, or what is known as “outer course”.

Vaginismus can be overcome, and we are here to help women who are unable to “just relax” and do it on their own.

People who go to bed feeling lonely have elevated levels of cortisol upon awakening. Cortisol is the so-called “stress hormone” that can cause depression, obesity, and other health problems such as insulin resistance. But cortisol can also do something else–give you a boost of energy to go back out in the world and have positive social interactions, e.g. find a partner, according to an interpertation of findings that appeared in the Proceedings of the National Academices of Sciences. To me, they speak to the urge to merge–to mate, to bond, to attach to someone.

What was also interesting is that people in the study–essentially baby boomers–who experienced a lot of anger during the day had elevated cortisol levels at night, and flat levels of cortisol in the morning. The researchers emphasized that this is when the hormone cortisol could do the damage detailed above. Also, angry people would not get that energy boost in the morning to help them go into their day with positive purpose. Their irritability would also affect their ability to socialize appropriately with others.

Takeaway Message: If you go to bed lonely, don’t fret. Use whatever energy you have in the morning to go forward in a positive way. If you are angry and irritable throughout the day, do something to de-stress and bring down your evening cortisol levels, e.g. yoga or deep breathing. Not only might you get a better boost of morning energy, but others (like your partner) might find you easier to be around.

Which reminds me…my first project for the new year is to produce a CD on relaxing for better sex. It will have some educational information, exercises, music, and motivation to de-stress for better love-making. Look for it on my website in mid-January.