In an article from USA Today over two dozen colleges have put the opposite sex as a preference for incoming students filling out their student housing application, and more are adding themselves to the list. According to some students it’s not about sex, but parents don’t see how sexual tension wouldn’t arise from this living situation. College housing rules have changed over the decades, which may account for this difference in opinion. Step further is an option practiced by some colleges, one being nearby UC Riverside, are couples living together. What do you think?

I just read online that our representatives in Washington D.C. are debating whether or not to renew grants for abstinence-only education. The fact is, no matter what you believe in terms of premarital sex, teens do become sexually active. The proof, unfortunately, is in rising STD rates among teenagers. One study reports that 25% of black teenage girls have an STD. Is this any way to spend a billion dollars in taxpayer money, on programs that are proven not to work?

I have a teenage daughter who is nowhere near ready for the responsibility and emotions of a sexual relationship, but she has all the information she needs to make decisions. That’s what’s important. Teens must be given two messages, even if they seem contradictory: 1) safe sex requires maturity and decision making and 2) the only safe sex takes place within marriage where both people are faithful. Everything in between requires knowing yourself, your partner, the issues at hand, and what is ultimately going to be the right path for you. If that is abstinence until marriage, so be it. If you choose to become sexually active, understand that there are risks.

That’s the point I heard someone make today in my office. She made the observation that more people are harmed by not knowing much about their sexuality and sexual health, and about relationships, than are people who don’t know much about history. Not that learning history was unimportant. Obviously, a good education is important for getting a better paying job.

But think about it. Because of lack of sex education, the Center for Disease Control last month told us that 25% of teenage girls have a sexually transmitted disease. We have the highest teen pregnancy rate in the Western world–and not because our teens are the most sexually active. We have 20,000 people under the age of 25 contracting HIV every year.

And that’s just the direct fallout. What about psychological fallout? Because we don’t teach healthy ideas about sexuality, our young people get their information from watching television and films. They learn to sexualize their relationships, making them all about how “hot” a partner is, and not how loyal, communicative, or open. They also learn that intercourse is the “gold standard,” that only wives lose interest in sex, and that old people (you know, like 40) stop making love because that’s “gross.”

What about you? Have you educated yourself about healthy sexuality? My blog and newsletter are one place to start. So are websites like www.sexualhealth.com and WebMD’s Health & Sex Center. Understanding good sex is more than looking up positions (”sex positions” is one of the most popular web searches). Take charge of your sexual health and avoid heartache.

I found this article today on MSNBC, from Glamour magazine, I think. It’s about how different Hollywood movie sex is from real life sex. The author and the people she polled did a fantastic job figuring out fake from real.

There are other myths, too. One is that older men always get a hard erection when they are with a beautiful younger woman. That leads men to think that the way to solve their ED problem is to leave older wife (Spitzer leaving Silda?) for newer model. But that isn’t the problem. The problem is that as men age, guess what? They have erections that are less firm. They take longer to get hard. They need more stimulation. When was the last time you saw a movie with an older actor who said, “Hon, could you help me out a little here? I’m kind of losing my erection.” About as often as you see an actress pull away from intercourse and say, “Aren’t you going to twiddle me a little down there before you hop on?”

Anyway, read the article, giggle, and be informed.

Want to make your partner purr with pleasure? It’s easy if you know about the erogenous zones. Body parts rich with nerve endings are erogenous zones. Known for their sensitivity, these zones bring extra pleasure. Besides the obvious, there are other wonderful areas for you to explore.

1. Hands. Fingers and palms are overlooked as erogenous zones. The entire surface of the hand is incredibly sensitive. Use your own fingertips to trace around the center of your partner’s palm. Gently stroke the underside of the fingers lengthwise. Rub your thumb in a circular fashion around the pads of flesh on the palm at the base of each finger.

2. Toes, feet, and ankles. Feet and toes are ticklish, but they are also centers for pleasure. Many people like their feet rubbed. A sensual massage can send your partner into bliss. Try adding a little bit of peppermint oil to some unscented massage oil or lotion for a bit of coolness. Some people like to have oral play with feet. If you do, don’t be embarrassed—feet are very sexy! Try ankles, too—it might surprise you how sensitive the inside area is.

3. Lips. Sexy and soft, playing with a partner’s lips can be a turn-on for both of you. Of course, you can go beyond a smack or a French kiss. (more…)

I’m quoted in the Register in an article on infidelity. I must say, I do crack myself up sometimes!

All kidding aside, infidelity is a very serious problem. Whether you think humans are monogamous or not, most people are extremely hurt when a partner cheats, and many relationships do not survive. I’ll be writing more about this topic in the coming week.

In case you missed it on the newstand, Coast Magazine wrote a profile on how I became a sex therapist and what, exactly, I do to help my patients. Many thanks to writer Jessica Peralta! Love to know your thoughts.

Over the last 24 hours I have been involved in a lively discussion on the AASECT listserv about when, why, and how to be truthful in a relationship. The discussion was prompted by a description of a college couple. The guy wanted out of the relationship, the gal wanted to know why. Did he “owe” her an explanation?

I ventured to say that he did not owe her an explanation beyond, “I just know this isn’t a relationship I want to be in right now,” if that was what he felt. Lots of other educators and therapists disagreed. They saw this as an opportunity for growth for both members of the couple.

But the truth of why a relationship is ending is sometimes very painful. It reminded me that it is best to give feedback to someone about things they can change. Telling a person that you don’t find their breasts sexy enough or that you don’t enjoy the taste of their saliva isn’t a very good piece of feedback when you are ending a relationship. (I have had people tell me these things in my office.)

Telling a person that you don’t like the way they handle credit cards is good feedback. It is concrete and usable. Telling a person that you want to end the relationship because you find you do not want to change your religion, and that seems to be a requirement of staying, is also fair feedback. The person can decide that requiring a change in religion isn’t necessary in order to keep the relationship. Or they can understand that it is in their own best interest to end the relationship because of their partner’s feelings.

I would love to learn what you think about ending a relationship. Is all truth good truth? Is it sometimes better to hold back? Is it okay to just be done with a relationship that doesn’t appeal to you? Or is it a requirement to come up with reasons? I’d love to read your comments.

Now that I’ve got your attention, take a look at this article in the OC Register about two women who thought it was ironic that Victoria’s Secret was advertising a bra that covered a woman’s nipples. They turned their observation into an expressive arts project. Clever!

Today’s Los Angeles Times published a roundup review of new books on sex and sexuality. The reviewer reports that there has been a “tsunami” of books about sex. She points out that this may be because 20% of married couples admit having no sex in their marriage at all.

Soon I’ll be making my own contribution to the “tsunami,” but with high quality information about many topics relating to sex and relationships. Don’t you want to learn the best from the best? Want to know when and how you can get these publications? Sign up for my ezine! I’m already planning bonus materials like audio downloads with purchase.