There are so many stereotypes when it comes to sex and the mature adult.  I always remember a man in his 30s telling me, “My wife and I need to hurry up and start having a lot of sex, because we’ll be done by the time we’re in our forties!”

You’ve gotta be kidding.

Just because you don’t move as quickly or forget your glasses are on top of your head occasionally doesn’t mean that you aren’t spry enough to have sex.  The body may not be as beautiful, but feelings of love and desire may grow even stronger with a couple that has been bonded for years.  And for couples experiencing romance in their later years, the sparks can still fly pretty high.

Enjoy the article, and let me know what you think!

It isn’t just men that feel sex is only about intercourse and resulting orgasm.  Women often say that it’s the only part of sex they enjoy.  Perhaps it’s because it’s the only part of sex that has an official stamp of approval as being sex.  After all, most people are taught that “Sex is for after you get married
because it can result in pregnancy.  Since pregnancy nearly always occurs as the result of intercourse, it only makes sense that sex means such an act has occurred.

Of course, there’s nothing wrong with intercourse.  It’s just that it’s very limited.  It requires that both partners be aroused, that the genitals are in good working condition, that the participants have the strength and stamina to follow through with the act.  That is, I think, part of the reason that people think of “sex” as being for young people.

If sex included every act of pleasure, people–both individuals and couples–would be much better off.  Including self-, oral, and manual stimulation would take the pressure off of having intercourse.  It would decrease unwanted pregnancy and disease.  It would make it easier to imagine having sex as one ages, or sex if one is alone.  And if a woman had discomfort with intercourse or a man struggled with erectile dysfunction as the result of temporary illness or stress, then they could still be affectionate and comforting with one another.

If you are someone that balks at the idea of venturing beyond sex = intercourse, it might be interesting to think about why that is.  Is it due to stereotype?  Inhibitions about other types of sexual activities?  A belief that sex is only for procreation, so if one is going to have sex for recreation, it had better be a reasonable facsimile?  If going outside your sex = intercourse comfort zone is truly distasteful, well, so be it.  But it could be that you realize you are holding back from exploring all types of sex, starting with cuddling and kissing.  And then what would be the harm of exploring your sexual potential?

Here are some of the obstacles:

• Embarrassment.  Women may feel ill-equipped to have a sexual relationship with a new partner.  Women in their 50s and 60s may have only had one or just a few sexual partners before entering into a long-term relationship.  If that marriage wasn’t very sexual, they may worry about appearing inexperienced.
• Body image.  Our culture isn’t exactly kind to women as they age, and unfortunately, women begin to internalize these negative attitudes toward their mature appearance.  Women worry that they will look unattractive when unclothed and that the new partner will be unforgiving.
• Sexual function.  Sad but true:  If a woman doesn’t have intercourse, her vagina can actually atrophy, or shrink.  And with menopause, tissues do become drier and more fragile.  If a woman hasn’t been sexually active in awhile, she may be in for a nasty surprise.

And here are some ways to overcome obstacles to sexual pleasure the second time around:

• Just because you haven’t had a partner for awhile doesn’t mean you haven’t been a sexual being!  But if your sexuality has been MIA, you can reconnect with it by watching and reading erotic material, using your senses to enjoy life, and being your own lover with self-pleasuring.
• Take care of your appearance.  You don’t have to get botox injections or a face lift to be attractive. But you do want to look your best.  Start with the foundation of good sleep, eating, and exercise habits.  What makes someone young look appealing is, in part, a glow of health.  Even if you have health problems, you can optimize what health you do have with good habits.
• Talk to your physician. Make sure that your reproductive system is in good shape for sex.  You don’t necessarily want to think about hormone replacement therapy; topical estrogen and nonprescription, OTC preparations can take care of dryness.

Deeper concerns can be a sign of psychological distress.  It isn’t unusual for me to see men and women who have been traumatized by a bad relationship or marriage, their divorce, or its aftermath.  If such fears are preventing you from entering a new relationship then you might do well to schedule some visits with a psychotherapist.

Kind regards,

Dr. Stephanie Buehler

Director, The Buehler Institute

• Expressions of caring
• The never-ending need for the touch of another human being
• Recreation and relaxation
• Sharing an intimate experience
• Celebrating life

Honestly, I know that it may be difficult for a younger person to imagine being sexual past, say, 50.  I know that you look ahead and wonder how anyone can find a somewhat flabby, wrinkled partner that you’ve known for years to be a hot commodity.

Read the article.  You’ll understand.  Comment.

As an article in the Los Angeles Times reports, people are staying sexually active as they age. And why not? Today’s 70-year-old, if in good health, is much more vital than even a few short decades ago.

What is the key to staying sexually active into your later years?

1. Take good care of your physical health. Keeping your weight low, watching your blood sugar and cholesterol levels, and exercising so that you have energy and stamina are important ingredients in maintaining your sexual health.

2. Talk to your physician about any sexual concerns that you have. For men, this may mean ‘fessing up to having erections that just aren’t what they used to be. (Besides, ED can be a sign of heart problems, so letting your doctor know this is a problem is critical.) For women, it’s dealing with the hormonal issues of menopause that can make sex uncomfortable.

3. Have realistic expectations. It may take you longer to get aroused and to have orgasm. Or you may decide that intercourse is too athletic an endeavor, and that manual sex seems like a better idea.

Your sex life may not look like it did in your 20s as you age, but it doesn’t mean it must fade altogether!