Fatigue is a given after a baby is born, but once baby is sleeping through the night and a routine has been developed, for most couples there is a return to normal sexual expression.

When there is not, then we have to do some exploration. Is there postpartum depression? Unrealistic expectations about motherhood and parenting? Has something changed between the couple now that they have added roles as mother and father? Sometimes kind of interesting changes happen, like being afraid the baby is going to hear the parents having sex and be scarred for life. (More scarring, we believe, is a child growing up in a home where parents have no sexual or affectionate relationship.)

Sometimes there is an unacknowledged problem in the marital relationship that doesn't come to light without a little exploration. No one wants to think that there can be feelings of anger or resentment when such a wonderful event has taken place. But negative thoughts and feelings do develop. Not to worry--once these are brought to light they can usually be resolved.

The infant him- or herself can also have an effect on sexuality. Some infants are simply fussier or more demanding than others. This can cause fatigue, but also a feeling of inadequacy on the part of the parent. Such bad feelings can really take a toll on a parent's self-esteem and depression can develop.

Finally, issues about one's body, or one's partner's body, after pregnancy can take their toll. We don't necessarily mean changes in weight or appearance, either. When women have a traumatic or unexpected birth experience (unplanned C-section, etc.) they can become disappointed in their body's ability to function normally. This can lead to conflict about sex. Traumatic birth can also cause painful intercourse, and we can help with that as well; please see Dr. Buehler's article on treating vulvodynia, or sexual pain.

Dr. Buehler is a mom--she's been there, done that. Our other therapists can also be helpful with recovering sexuality after pregnancy. Call and ask to speak to Dr. Buehler directly at 800-769-0342.

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