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Wanting More Sexual
Desire
We get so many calls about
this problem that we could
have called ourselves The
Desire Recovery Institute.
Here are some typical
problems we hear:
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"I just got married
6 months ago and my
husband has already
lost interest.”
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“I have been married
for 10 years and we
haven’t had sex more
than a half dozen
times in the last
year.”
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“My husband is a
great guy, so I
can’t figure out why
I don’t want to have
sex.”
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“My wife only wants
sex about once a
month. I can’t live
like this.”
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“I’ve been watching
a lot of pornography
and now I don’t seem
to want sex with my
wife.”
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Even if you don’t recognize
yourself in these
statements, we’ve probably
heard your complaint before.
Mismatched desire happens
for many reasons, including:
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Biology.
Hormones change over
time, with stress,
and after events for
men and women. (Did
you know that men
experience hormonal
changes after the
birth of a baby?
They do!) |
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Mismatched
desire.
Sometimes one
partner’s ideal
frequency simply
differs from the
other’s ideal.
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Lack of intimacy.
If there isn’t any
heat in the living
room, the bedroom
may get icy.
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Need for
education. Women
mistakenly think
that men are like
the Ever Ready
Bunny, and men think
their partners are
like living dolls,
supplying sex as
needed.
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A sharp detective—we mean,
psychotherapist—can help
figure out what the problem
is and work with you and /
or your partner to get you
in synch with your partner.
Sometimes this takes 6
sessions, sometimes 12, and
sometimes even a year,
depending on how
long-standing and complex
the problem is. Someone who
has a chronic illness, a
shaky relationship, and a
dislike of sex will be in
therapy longer, generally,
than an exhausted person who
needs to learn stress and
time management and
rearrangement of priorities.
Motivation to change and a
willingness to work on the
issue between sessions also
makes a difference in how
long the problem takes to
resolve. You can visit the
page on Couples Therapy for
Sexual Problems to learn
more.
Click here to go back to
the services page.
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